Lord of the Putter
by BICKERS
Summary: This is story of Bilbo Bagginess biggest ever Adventure. When the hobbit play golf!
1. I - An Unexpected Appearance

As previously recollected in his earlier tales Bilbo Bagginess of Bag End was sitting, and smoking, on his bench, outside his house. Though unlike before, in him lay not a simple-minded view of the outside world, but a knowing and a longing for adventures. He was in a great need, he had an urge inside and all it took was a long-grey-bearded wizard, or young noble dwarf to push him out the door. On this particular occasion neither came, but if neither came, them why am I telling this story, it clearly won't lead to a quest. Somebody must come, something must arrive. But what? Who?

"Oh it if isn't my old burglar hobbit, then I'll eat my own staff" a familiar voice, but still I distance one came to the old hobbit's ears, as above, on top of his house, was a wizard. Gandalf? No! Saruman? No! Then Who?

"Radagast, my good friend" said the Bilbo after some serious mind work "why you didn't mention a visit in your last letter. And why, I only got it yesterday. You really do surprise me"

As he walks down off the hill onto the path, approaching Bilbo's cone of view, Radagast exclaims in a loud but jolly tone "I surprised myself, when I woke up I suddenly remembered that out of all my friends I had forgotten to pay you my planned visit"

"You make it sound as if you have a something pressing to tell me, not our usual chit chat meeting" Bilbo said calmly – Though deep down was saying over and over 'please let it be an adventure'.

"Yes I wondered if you might like to join me on a small, trip I suppose" Radagast pondered the question, letting it float in the air until answered.

But no, it was answered in a very exited and urgent voice "Yes. Oh yes. Oh yes. An adventure!" Bilbo was over the moon about it and in his ignorance forgot to say thank you.

"Well, it's not exactly an adventure; it's just a small gathering up by the Blue Mountains for a round of Golf" Radagast was quite taken aback by Bilbo's sudden burst. He hadn't realised how much his old friend had been cooped up, and wishing he had come sooner, "You should be right into golf anyway. Gandalf told me Bullroarer took, your ancestor, invented golf during a battle against the Goblins. Something about a head and a rabbit hole. Don't remember the details, anyway. You coming"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, who else'll be there" questioned Bilbo, his phase of sheer exited had be left behind and now he was in an information mood.

"I don't know, I got an invitation from an anonymous yet known to all friend, who requested me and anyone I wish to let tag along to join him for a round of golf" recited Radagast.

"Very peculiar, Gandalf doesn't usually write anonymous letters, and the dwarfs don't leaved their new home, in the lonely mountain" said Bilbo, looking out over the hills in deep thought. He hardly noticed it but before Bilbo could ask the golf courses exact location, Radagast had fled leaving Bilbo still on his bench, smoking and sitting.


	2. II - Roast Bananas

Bilbo had, after finishing his last box of tobacco, but before re-entering the depths of the hill, found on the floor a small yet recognisable note. He picked it up unwillingly but enticed, and reading what was obviously Radagast's hand writing but suspiciously not what he would have written. It stated very clearly a riddle (and as anyone who knew anyone would no, Radagast was not a riddle-maker, he was thick):

_When over the hills you go,_

_Soon it will start to snow,_

_Then turn round a corner,_

_Ignore thee who'll warn y',_

_And stop when you reach the low._

It took Bilbo a considerable space of time to work out this riddle, it took his straight though second breakfast and though elevenses. By the time he had worked it out he was famished and almost reaching luncheon. The riddle was clearly about the location of the unknown golf course. The riddle, unriddled was as follows:

_Start walking up the blue mountain,_

_And when it starts to snow,_

_Turn to the left,_

_Ignore the 'DON'T PASS' sign,_

_And stop when you reach the first crater._

Now unriddled Bilbo over his quick second breakfast and overdue elevenses worked out that the golf course was surly at the valley of Outer-Harlond, named that due its one half in the shire and its one half in Harlond. So he quickly jumped out of his chair and ran into the kitchen; he had a picnic to make. He was in such a hurry he made devilled sandwiches and jammy eggs, pickled apples and granny-smith ham, and raped his basket up in tin foil. When he was done he rushed out the door like he had done all those years ago, and he forgot his pocket handkerchief on purpose.

Down the path onto the main road he ran and on his way bumped into four sheep two cows and an old gaffer, but nothing, absolutely nothing was going to stop him, he was off on an adventure. A long expected adventure!


End file.
